BCI/Navarre rolls out another Crown Intl. double feature, this time from the production company known as Marimark. With one being a teen sports/sexy authoritarian story, and the other a virtually plotless party film (that delighted many an adolescent during it's incessant plays on Showtime and The Movie Channel in the 80's), it would seem that these films are only marginally related, yet a deeper look reveals some interesting similarities.* 

COACH 

Olympic Gold Medalist Randy Rawlings (Cathy Lee Crosby) is spending her days as a fitness trainer for middle-aged and senior women when she receives a telegram offering her a job coaching not-so-hot high school basketball team the Stallions, but she arrives only to find that the staff were expecting a male (damn computer errors!). Especially put off is Principal Fenton Granger (Keenan Wynn), who is forced to hire her anyway, due to those pesky discrimination laws. Passing the word on to grandson and team-member Bradley (Channing Clarkson) to give her a hard time, it looks like it will be tough going for Randy to get these brats to take her seriously, though when she brings in pal Sidney Wicks (named 1971 NBA Rookie Of The Year during his tenure with the Portland Trail Blazers) to show them some moves, things lighten up considerably. In a receptive mood, they soon take her instructions to heart and are ready for a game against their rival school when that school's coach makes some sexist cracks in Miss Rawlings's direction and a rumble ensues, getting them kicked out of the game and doing little to endear Randy to Principal Granger, who she then makes a deal with that if they don't win the next game, she will resign.  

Concurrent to all of this is a blooming romantic relationship between Randy and student Jack Ripley (Michael Biehn) that, if made public, could result in some deep crapola for our Miss Rawlings, but more important is the issue of whether doofus Ned (Jack David Walker) can actually make the most of his defense position on the court. As Jack and Bradley had earlier cooked up a successful plan to hypnotize Ned into passing an algebra exam, it is decided that hypnotizing him into actually believing he is Sidney Wicks is the solution (with the word "jabberwocky" being the aural trigger), and the results are astounding. Coach Randy catches wind of this and puts the kibosh on any further unorthodox methods, but in the big game (with the team losing, the clock ticking, and both her job and Jack's college basketball career hanging in the balance), will she have a change of heart? 

At first, COACH (with it's sombre and reflective opening scene of Crosby "going for the gold") would appear to be a relatively straight shaggy dog sports team drama with a little something to say about equal-opportunity employment for women, but director Bud Townsend (NIGHTMARE IN WAX, ALICE IN WONDERLAND) soon tosses that particular notion out the back door as soon as Rawlings and her student start sleeping together! Yep, we're strictly in what would be known in a few years as MY TUTOR/PRIVATE LESSONS territory, with any chance for drama or character remorse breezily swept aside for some strictly MONKEY'S UNCLE-type shenanigans (hypnotism) and brief nudity. It strikes a funny chord that it takes bringing in a celebrity friend to teach your class for you to gain the respect of your students, but it's truly the moment when Randy joins in with the group's "Hey Ladi Ladi-Lo" sing-along (made up of bawdy couplets) that endears her to group, enough for them to throw down with the other team! All of this is handled with a casualness that's typical of teen movies of the era (and Crown pictures in particular), and it sort of just bounces along until it's highly predictable conclusion. Crosby (a former semi-pro tennis player and TV actress who would soon after find fame as one of the co-hosts of the series THAT'S INCREDIBLE) has the right look for the role, and does exactly what's asked of her, which is to be serious, stern, tender and jovial by turns, and she manages to perform as believably as can be expected, given the material. Keenan Wynn (in the middle of a staggering exploitation run that included ORCA, LASERBLAST, and PIRAHNA) plays the grumpy old chauvinist role to the hilt, while Biehn (most recently seen in PLANET TERROR) plays his part with a sort of affable good-naturedness that is suitable a character as blandly written as it is. The rest of the cast (including a briefly topless Roseanne Katon, the "Ebony" of EBONY, IVORY, AND JADE) do their thing just fine, but ultimately COACH is a film that has a hard time getting off of the bench. 

THE BEACH GIRLS 

Cute and virginal Sarah (Debra Blee from HAMBURGER... THE MOTION PICTURE) has scored the usage of her uncle Carl's beach house for the summer, inviting her not very bright but free 'n' easy pals Ginger (one-timer Val Kline) and Ducky (1980 Playmate Of The Year and ZZ Top girl Jeana Tomasina) to spend it with her. While ditching their school books, they come across hitch-hiking drifter Scott (ANIMAL HOUSE's Greg Marmalard, James Daughton) and invite him along. Sarah okays his staying there, and soon boy-crazy Ginger sets about convincing her that they should have a party and starts calling delivery drivers over to beef up the attendance. Soon, the driveway is packed with vehicles, including a diaper service truck driven by blonde and busty Southern charmer Doreen (Tessa Richarde, Malcolm McDowell's hotel room victim in CAT PEOPLE). Soon, the drunken nudity makes it's way out to the pool, and snooping neighbors the Brinkers take an interest, though each for slightly different reasons! A call-in booze order from Ginger results in a check-up call to Carl's fiancée, who then tells Carl (played by biker film vet and all-around cool dude Adam Rourke) to check it out, and check it out he does. However, instead of being pissed off ("disappointed, yes"), he is quite understanding, and allows the party to continue, with the provision that her friends "Cinnamon and Goosey" cannot stay the summer. With their summer plans endangered, Ginger takes it upon herself to get to know Carl in the sauna, and by joint's end ("this won't kill you, it'll make you live" she coos) he is passed out and ready for bed. 

Meanwhile, a stereotypically swishy gay Coast Guard ship under the command of Capt. Blye (played in full CAINE MUTINY parody mode by The Ramones' manager in ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, Herb Braha) is bearing down on pot pirate Captain Jack and his salty crew. Realizing this, Jack has them dump all of their weed-filled trash bags overboard, and who should find them washed upon the shore on their morning stroll, but Ginger and Ducky (who have convinced the increasingly lenient Carl to let them stay after he saves Ducky from drowning and gives her the kiss of life, an act witnessed by the Brinkers), who start bagging it up for the evening's festivities. Soon things degenerate into a pot and booze-fueled orgy, Carl finds himself in the sauna with the two floozies, while Sarah (remember her?) struggles with her apparent inability to loosen up and make the most of her abundant charms, leading her to act out in a way that finally gets Scott's attention. With the Blye's crew and Carl's uptight wife-to-be closing in, what shall become of the merry revelry? 

Simply put, THE BEACH GIRLS is a blast, being markedly more entertaining than it has any right to be, but why? Well, If you are a fan of "anything goes" comedies, it hits lots of the right notes, with every ridiculous stereotype and typical character you can imagine (horny gardener, sexy belle, bumbling-but-deadly Asian chauffeur, nice-but-horny girl, horny and narcissistic-but-nice guy, snoopy busybody neighbor, her lecherous but apparently mute husband), while throwing a couple of new ones in the mix (pot-smoking police officer, fighting people in condiment costumes), lots of skin, and surprising bits of dialogue that would be more at home in a 60's hippie flick, especially the line accompanying Ginger's proffering of the joint to Carl (a pointed reference to Rourke's AIP roles?).  

While there is some discrepancy as to who actually directed this Marimark production (screen credit goes to Pat Townsend, who was Bud's wife, though the not-always reliable IMDB credits Bud himself), whomever it was keeps the gags coming fast and furious. There is an "additional material" credit, and if one ever wondered just exactly what that meant, look no further: from the "champagne boy/girl" exchange to the surplus of timely advertising spoofs (Dr. Pepper, Parkay, Glad bags), these bits are clearly shoehorned (and most likely dreamt up on set) into a script that left plenty of room for such embellishments. It would also be plain wrong to expect the acting in a film such as this to be stellar, or to hold it up against that found in bigger-budgeted productions of a similar stripe, but the sheer catch-all nature of the styles found here is pleasantly jarring: from Blee's good-natured allure to Val Kline's astounding butchery of the craft (not the slam that it sounds like, as she manages to slaughter her lines in a manner that is just right, adding the perfect amount of WTF-ness to her character), and from Daughton's entertainingly smarmy delivery to Rourke's awesome seen-it-all-and then some laid back bemusement (he lends a major touch of class to every scene he appears in, and even directly addresses the audience at one point), it all works together in a vastly entertaining manner. 

*You thought I was gonna forget, huh? Well, besides an appearance from COACH's Channing Clarkson as tokemeister Officer Jay, there is also a reprisal of that films "Hey Ladi Ladi-Lo" song in a poolside sing-along! Different writers, same idea!

Audio for both is old fashioned mono, and while COACH suffers some from an overall muddiness and particularly boomy echo in the gym scenes (an obvious result of the location recording), it's co-feature sounds quite good for a film of it's budget level, with both dialogue and Michael Lloyd's soundtrack (credited to "Arsenal") sounding clear and strong.

Same as always, the viewer is given a choice between watching each film separately, or as a "Grindhouse Experience" double feature, which includes trailers for other Crown titles THE VAN, JOCKS, MALIBU BEACH, and MY TUTOR, as well as the same "Astro Dater" and clean-up tags seen on others in the series. Both THE VAN and MY TUTOR are from smeary tape sources, but it's nice to have them anyway.

BCI/Deimos/Navarre are at it again, bringing another pair of Crown International drive-in favorites to your living room. This time, it's "from basketballs to beach balls", with the shaggy dog sports team-meets-forbidden love film COACH (with Cathy Lee Crosby), paired with the "anything goes" beach bimbo classic THE BEACH GIRLS. Each are fun in their own right, but many will prefer the latter for it's zaniness and bare bod quotient.