While West German sexploitation films of the 1970’s were a U.S. drive-in and hard-top stand-by throughout the decade (and probably into the 80’s as well), not a lot was known about them by your average Euro-cult film fan, with constant re-titlings and dubious VHS releases hardly helping matters much. Crippled Dick Hot Wax’s 1996 cd release of Gert Wilden’s wacky SCHOOLGIRL REPORT scores (a brisk follow-up to their enormously successful SEXADELIC DANCE PARTY/VAMPYROS LESBOS disc) piqued the interest of many, but gray-market releases were the only way for us Yanks to see some of the seemingly endless list of “oom-pah” titles the region had to offer. Well, here we are ten years later, and the fine folks at Retro-Seduction Cinema have seen fit to release a whole slew of these films, albeit under not-quite ideal conditions, but more on that later. What we have here is an actual double bill that played U.S. theaters and passion pits under the banner of Burbank International, an export company devoted to warping young minds with inanely re-dubbed and re-edited European (and mostly West German, at that) sexploitation films. 

2069: A SEX ODYSSEY (1974) 3/5 

A crew of five space vixens (led by commander 666, which sounds suspiciously like Sex Sex Sex) descend on a quiet Bavarian village to collect a ten thousand year’s supply of  sperm to repopulate their all-female planet. With the intention of luring unsuspecting (yet willing) men to their ship for a modern method of extraction (think A BOY AND HIS DOG), these lovely lasses find themselves collecting said sperm in a more, ahem, traditional fashion, and sexy hi-jinx ensue. That’s about it for plot folks, what remains is several funny (and not-so-funny) gags revolving around the fact that the townspeople think these strangely-attired ladies are part of a French ski team. Now, we all know that the French are way ahead of the fashion game, but the “ski outfits” on display are definitely of the DANGER DIABOLIK/BARBARELLA variety, with silver sparkle moon boots that would bring a tear to the eye of any Canadian. In fact, this film would appeal more to someone with a swingin’ space chick fetish than to just about everybody else, as the sex here is quite tame, though the ladies are all quite attractive, and the film quickly wraps itself up in 77 minutes. Not a particularly great (or even very good) film, but a fun watch nonetheless. 

RUN, VIRGIN, RUN (1970) 4/5 

Voglerhausen is yet another quiet alpine village, where all the men seem to be over 60, and their wives barely 30, yet the population is soaring to unprecedented heights, believed by the villagers to be a result of a mythical wind known as “The Fern”, which imbues it’s male residents with an undeniable “urge to merge” with their mates, though it clearly obvious from the beginning that all of this fertilization is the handiwork of the local blacksmith, the ridiculously virile Michael, who hops from bed to bed, giving the ladies what their husbands cannot, babies. It all seems to be working well, until a wrench is thrown into the works by the arrival of the mayor’s daughter by a previous marriage, Gaby. Gaby is eighteen, a virgin, and quite the exhibitionist, as she proves by unveiling a bronze fertility statue for which she modeled. Michael becomes infatuated with her, and it would appear that his stud days are numbered, but not before the arrival of Dagmar, a “progressive” (i.e. easy) type from the city, who shows up wearing a fetching ensemble topped by a terrycloth boating hat, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Mr. Howell/”Captain of Her Heart” look is timeless. Dagmar shows Michael that you must learn from all sexual encounters, and then encourages Gaby to go after him. 

To make things even more complicated, Dr. Nagel (the Minister of Population for the area) and his hot-to-trot assistant Christina arrive in order to ascertain just why the sudden population explosion is occurring, as well as to test the power of  “The Fern” and see if Voglerhausen is truly eligible for the “population award” that they are trying for. The mayor then decides that he has a tourist hotspot for barren couples on his hands, advertises it as such, and after a lot of mistaken identities (and room numbers), RUN VIRGIN, RUN  ends on a high note. As should be fairly obvious, RUN is the more heavily-plotted of the two films, and while said plot causes your brain to spin just a little, it is fun to watch, and the ladies are all quite easy on the eyes. Again, the sex is pretty tame and harmless, easily netting it an R rating and assured play-dates back in the day. The Eastmancolor photography is nice, and we are blessed by a jaunty soundtrack provided by the afore-mentioned Gert Wilden, with lots of la-la-la’s and Wagnerian horns. Oom-pah indeed!